Allowing Room for Time

You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen.

~ Paulo Coelho

by Pete Ferguson

Many years back I hired a neighbor to do some work on our home. I could tell on the second or third day that there was a substance abuse problem. He finished the job – and actually did a pretty good job of it. Six months later I was served with a lien on our home as he had not paid one of the contractors.

We were angry and upset. The lien couldn’t have come at a worse time and I felt my integrity was in question. Many attempts to contact him to have it paid were unsuccessful. We thought of all kinds of revenge. We also saw his home go into great disrepair and finally one night, many police cars arrived and he disappeared for a long time.

Tired of the poison of hatred – and of seeing his once meticulous yard now very degraded, my wife and kids went and cut out the weeds on his grass and trimmed back his trees. Another neighbor jumped in and helped. During the winter I made sure the snow was cleared on their sidewalks. In service we found peace and forgiveness.

About four years later my neighbor approached me in humility and begged for my forgiveness. He had paid back what he could, but I suspected he probably had expenses much larger than ours and told him we had long since forgiven him and wished he and his family well.

It was I who needed the forgiveness from him. I can’t imagine what he had been going through and the last thing he needed was for us to be an enemy in a time when he needed more friends.

Other neighbors tried unsuccessfully to have children for many years. Tens of thousands of dollars in doctors and specialists were fruitlessly spent. Many Mother’s Days and Father’s Days were spent in depression and tears. When all hope seemed lost in their forties, a family member offered to give a gift for one more try with a new specialist. Surprisingly the fix was relatively simple, but involved a great investment in time and money and many months of bed rest and hospitalization.

Last night – and every night – I smiled as I watched them playing with their twins on their front porch. I laugh when I see the mischief these two concoct as they explore their world. The definition of a miracle twice illustrated.

About two years ago another friend lost his job. He had invested just about everything to help a company survive and they repaid him by never paying him and the company finally went under. They left their dream house – and dreams – behind. He is one of the hardest workers I know and someone I admire and look up to greatly. He pounded the pavement, he did all the right things. Yet he remained unemployed.

You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that
it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present.
~ Jan Glidewell

Over a year later he still was unsuccessful. A grant was acquired and he was able to go back to school and then found a temp-to-hire agency and now has an offer for employment in a good position and I’m sure it won’t be too long until he is further ahead of where he was financially years ago.

I was contemplating all of these and other accounts – coupled with my own accounts of frustration and my path to discover who I am – when I was reacquainted with neighbors from over a decade ago.

They had also suffered through infertility but were able to adopt two great kids when we last knew them. I was surprised to see they now had a little girl who looked strikingly like the wife. On further inquiry I found she had awoken four years ago not feeling well and on a whim took a pregnancy test. Then took another, and a blood test to confirm. After a decade and a half of all the doctors, drugs, and specialized methods, she was pregnant without any of the aids.

And all of these lessons remind me that Time can – and does – take care of things. I’m becoming a big believer that wisdom is simply a study and understanding of Time.

Having spent the better part of my life trying either to relive
the past or experience the future before it arrives, I have
come to believe that in between these two extremes is peace.
~ Author Unknown

As a child, scraping a knee seemed to have eternal consequences of pain. Later in life a much bigger blow may affect our lives for a decade. But as I look at three grandparents in their 90’s, from their perspective – World War II, The Great Depression, the Dust Bowl, recessions, 9/11, the deaths of many friends and loved ones and other great trials have all been endured. And yet they still stand, strengthened in their beliefs and by the love of scores of family members who are a direct result of the lives they have lived.

Any great trial will eventually be conquered – by Time. Our trial is to simply have the patience and humility to wait out the pain to be able to bask in the warmth and personal growth which eventually comes after the pain.

 

Related articles

• “Forgiveness” 9/8/13 (fuunorev.wordpress.com)
• Forty-One (LearnActShare)
• Reinvent Yourself (TheBetterManProject – Evan Sanders)
• Change is the Constant – But Are You Really Willing to Change? (3-DVitality – Ann Musico)

Time to Give

Let him who would enjoy a good future waste none of his present. ~ Roger Babson

by Pete Ferguson

This morning I am preparing for a conversation I will have with my colleagues and peers at an industry luncheon. The topic is human interaction.

To prepare for my presentation, I was going over the eulogies written for someone who gave the gift of time to thousands – Calvin Blossom. Cal died in March of this year, but his gift continues to bless those who stop to remember him.

I spent most of my 20s lost and wondering what I should be. I spent most of my 30s dreaming of what I could be. I’m so far investing my 40s enjoying who I am and the lives of those around me.

As I was reading over the notes from Calvin’s funeral, I recalled what his brother had said about him. Cal had been successful in business on several occasions. When his brother found out he was going to work for us at eBay, he asked Cal in what position, “Vice President?” – “no, replied Calvin, as a security officer.” When asked why, Cal replied “It is is time to give.”

For many of you graduating high school or college, becoming the next Mark Zuckerberg is quite appealing. We all want the ideas in our heads to go on and be successful. Recognition, praise, fame and fortune are all great things.

Coming up with ideas is the fun and easy part. It is putting them into action that is tricky.

Yet when I think of the people most influential in my life – Steve Jobs and Zuckerberg do not make the list.

The people most influential in my life gave me their time. And they gave it to me in spades.

My father has always been an early riser. I can recall hearing him getting up at 5 on cold mornings and despite how tired I was, I would get out of my warm bed to go and join him. He was often busy trying to catch up with work and probably looking forward to his alone time, but he’d put up with my 100 questions and get me reading a book or something to give him peace. Now he is again living in China, but touches base regularly via email or commenting on this blog.

My maternal grandfather was another person who gave his time freely. Oleen Adams had the ability to make me feel like I was the only person in the universe. He was always working on some project, fixing our cars, fixing things around our house, or shoveling snow – for the entire street – when he came to visit from California. Sadly he died when I was 14, but his example regularly reminds me to be more giving.

There are others, and I hope in your life you have many examples.

All the distractions in life provided by technology and pride are just that – distractions.

What really matters is the person you are to the people surrounding you.

Give the gift of time.

Related articles

• Remembering Calvin Blossom – The Gift One Life Can Give (LearnActShare.com)
• When It’s Time to Stop Thinking–and Start Doing (inc.com)
• Don’t Forget to Enjoy the Show (LearnActShare.com)

Remembering Calvin Blossom – The Influence One Life Can Have

Few will have the greatness to bend history itself, but each of us can work to change a small portion of events. It is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. ~ Robert F. Kennedy

by Pete Ferguson

It was odd to see Calvin lying relatively motionless on a bed in the ICU Sunday. Calvin has always been a man of action.

We stole his employ over ten years ago when a supervisor, Tupule Poloa, working for me was picking his wife up late from work and struck up a conversation with Calvin who was working as a security officer for her employer.

Tupule came back to the office and told me Calvin was someone I needed to meet and hire. We arranged an interview on his day off and I wanted to hire him immediately, but we did not have an open position for a few weeks.

Calvin is a rare find. I’ve sat through hundreds of interviews and often had to make a compromise on hiring because of a limited pool of candidates. With Calvin, I couldn’t wait until he could join our team. Calvin will not be remembered as a computer expert or speaking in front of large crowds. But Calvin continued to stay best at what he did best – understanding and knowing people.

While other officers might hide out in the office or on patrol during peak times, Calvin would stand right at the inner door, holding it open with his foot and greeting people with a smile and likely addressing them by name as he checked credentials for those not already known to him.

“Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing.” ~ Albert Schweitzer

I’ve known Calvin for over ten years now, and I’ve rarely had a conversation with him that lasted more than five minutes – because Calvin was always on a mission and took his job very seriously. Yet he could probably have told you the name of my wife, my children, and that I don’t follow sports much. That in of itself may not seem remarkable, but that he could do that for the majority of every other employee (1,500+) that worked on his shift is an insight to the kind of person Calvin is.

Always on the go when not standing an assigned post, Calvin was a patrol genius. From my perspective, he did everything with purposeful intent.

It was revealed to me this past weekend that he called his son living in another state every day to talk to him, and pray with him. Same for his wife, a nurse, who works long hours and has an erratic schedule.

Calvin was a rare breed of person who made you feel comfortable. He also demonstrated well the scripture admonishing us to “mourn with those that mourn.” I had known of the death of a parent of another staff member and had watched as Calvin took extra effort to ask her about her day and be a dear friend. I only found out much later that Calvin had just lost his father as well.

Now it is our duty to mourn the loss of this great man and to help others through the process. Calvin will be remembered for his kind and caring heart. For understanding humanity is all about people and getting to know them for who they are.

“The key to successful leadership is influence, not authority.”
~ Kenneth H. Blanchard

That is the kind of person Calvin was – someone who did not want to be in the spotlight – but someone who lived the kind of life worth recognizing.

He won the “Officer of the Year” award for a Salt Lake security managers association I believe in 2005. We recognized him not for pulling someone out of a burning building or subverting a theft – we recognized him for his human ability to be consistent day in and day out and to have an extensive situational awareness which likely did discourage many to try and do anything mischievous under Calvin’s watchful care.

Several years later I nominated him again. That year there were two other officers who had amazingly stopped a robbery in progress through great heroics. After the ceremony, Calvin was all smiles and laughing that he couldn’t compete with that. He was just as graceful in being recognized as he was in allowing others their turn.

Calvin’s physical body has ceased, but Calvin’s spirit and example lives on. He was a man of action, of caring, of understanding the human condition.

You will be missed Cal. God bless you and your family.

[There have been many questions about donating to Cal’s family to help pay for medical and funeral costs. There is an account setup with Mountain America Credit Union. Please use PayPal and type in “calvindonations@gmail.com” as the address and the funds will be transferred into the account. Thanks!]

Related articles

• Remembering Calvin Blossom (Chris Miller)

• Thoughts on a Life Less Ordinary (Carija Ihus)

• Making Your Dent in The Universe (LearnActShare)

Facebook Tribute from Sonny Wagner:

So many tributes to Calvin Blossom have been posted in the last couple days, and I’ve loved reading every one of them. But what has really stuck in my mind and my heart is the common thread that runs through all the posts. It wasn’t that Calvin was particularly smart or educated or handsome or had any of the qualities we usually celebrate and admire in celebrities, politicians, business leaders, or superheroes – the common thread is that he was nice. And warm. And friendly. And caring. He boosted our spirits when he would open doors for each of us and ask after our families. He made us feel special when he walked around the parking lot – not busily talking on his cell phone, but waving at everyone as we arrived or left or hurried between buildings in our oh-so-important work.

One of my co-workers mentioned this morning that she hoped Calvin up in heaven would somehow see all the conversations and tears and tributes and realize how much he had touched all of our lives, and that really made me think. Do I want to be remembered for being smart? For being successful? For having an iPad and an iPhone and being so critically needed at work that I have to walk around with my phone plastered to my ear instead of taking the time to offer my co-workers (and strangers) a friendly smile and a warm hello?

Is it more important to be important? Or more important to be nice? Is it more important to climb the career ladder? Or more important to open a door for someone? Is it more important to be able to effectively use the latest business jargon? Or more important to ask about how my co-worker’s daughter is doing in her new class?

The answers to these questions can often determine how we are remembered.

Calvin was humble, polite, gracious, warm, generous of spirit, caring, and full of joy. He didn’t make a lot of money, nor was he a manager, nor was he even (technically) an eBay employee. Yet he elicited so much admiration, respect, and appreciation from the rest of us that he has received more public tributes today than many celebrities do.

Yes, I think that is the stuff a good life is made of.