Letting go of unpleasant or unhealthy friendships can be very difficult but is a vital step to improving overall quality of life, reduce stress, and possibly improve self-esteem. Once a friendship becomes more effort than what it’s worth, letting that friend go is better done sooner rather than later. ~ Michael Davidson
by Pete Ferguson
Last week Steph and I were talking about life and we both shared that this year we were making a concerted effort to drop the “friends” who are often in need but rarely available to give back.
For me, at first it was a little bit difficult. But then a great sense of relief flowed and I was glad to no longer be trying to solve someone else’s problems. Steph admitted to a similar experience.
We still have good friends with lots and lots of needs. We remain active listeners, but we don’t adopt their problems as their own. And if it isn’t a two-way street, we find better choices to make of our time to uplift each other and others.
Carrying your negative emotional baggage requires energy that could be put to much better use – say goodbye to it, let it go, and get on with your life.
Once the initial separation anxiety has passed, I’m amazed to see these people quickly move on to the next “victim.”
Then I get annoyed, because I realize how one-sided the relationship was and what a sucker I was for putting up with their selfishness for so long.
The other thing I’ve learned is that they don’t actually want their problems solved – although in listening to them it appears this is all they want. But don’t be fooled, they are comfortable in their misery. What I’ve found from personal experience is that they will greatly resent you if you do solve their problems for them. And then they will expect you to do twice as much twice as fast the next time.
The final step is one I found on “eHow.com – How to Let Go of a Friend“: Remove them from your contact list in your phone, from Facebook, Twitter, your address book or any other emotional tie. I’ll be doing that tonight. I have some people who have remained in my contact list since I had a Franklin Planner in the 90s and whom I have contacted occasionally to check in, but they have never contacted me back unless they needed something.
The things you want are always possible; it is just that the way to get them is not always apparent. The only real obstacle in your path to a fulfilling life is you, and that can be a considerable obstacle because you carry the baggage of insecurities and past experience. ~ Les Brown
- Why Love Can Make You Stupid (learnactshare.com)
- Getting People to Want to Know You Better (learnactshare.com)
- Thanks for the Poo (theycallmemommy.com)